Wednesday, November 30, 2011

A brush with bikram.

Over a year ago I bought a Groupon for 30 days of Bikram (hot) yoga. It ended in Nov of last year and I didn't activate it before it's expiration date. Oops. Cut my losses and moved on.

About two weeks ago, I got a reminder from Groupon that this one was going to expire soon, on Nov 30, 2011. I was off by an entire YEAR. Oops.

Today was my first class.

I was a little freaked out, like I am with pretty much any new experience. I changed my clothes 5 times before leaving the house and was still less than confident in my cotton t-shirt and cotton knee length shorts. I was torn between being more comfortable in less clothing and having sweat pouring down my limbs and face. 

I pulled up super early to make sure I would get in for the 6:30 class. You can kind of see inside the studio from the outside, and the first thing I noticed was the dripping sweat all over the windows. GROSS. That just looks smelly. 

I went into the lobby and it was about 90 degrees in there. Ick. I signed in and took a seat and waited until the sweaty mess of a previous class finally came out. While waiting, I noticed the pictures of Mr. Bikram himself all over the place. Including one signed 8x10 of him with his hair slicked back and giant stunner shade sunglasses. Who does this guy think he is? JTT? Seems decidedly un-yoga like to me.

I went in and snagged a wall spot and waited some more. I immediately noticed that it was 1) OMG HOT, and 2) mildew smelly. How the hell do they air that place out?! Sick.

Class finally started.

The instructor was what appeared to be Russian. I could understand approximately 10% of what was coming out of her mouth, so I was forced to be the creepy new girl staring at everyone around me trying to figure out what to do.

About 2 mins into the class, we leaned forward over our legs, and I caught a glimpse of my shins. SOAKING wet. Uh EW. It was so hot in there that the sweat and my skin were about the same temperature, so I hadn't even really felt it.

About 10 mins later, my shirt and shorts were completely drenched. Even having experienced it, I STILL don't know what to wear. I feel like the clothes kept at least some of sweat from running all over the place, but crap almighty it was heavy and hot.

About 4 times I actually thought there was a chance I was going to pass out and considered leaving the room for a break. And then RUNNING FAR FAR AWAY. But I didn't. Although I would have beaten the bendy Princess Jasmine chick in front of me with my now empty water bottle to get just ONE breath of cool air. I swear I was chewing air, rather than just breathing. Ugh.

Towards the end of the 90 min class, I made the mistake of glancing in the mirror. Hair frizzed out to Saturn, beat red face and eyes (???), and...omg....what is that? Why is part of my white shirt pink? Oh, I sweat the color off of my NOT new sports bra? Oh that's cool.


So gross.

The class was finally over and I bee-lined for the lobby. Bringing sweats, a long sleeve t-shirt, and Uggs to change into?


I stripped my shirt and shorts off and lunged for the door. There I am, in booty shorts, a sports bra, and uggs gulping the 50 degree air like I had just been drowning in heat for last the 90 mins. Because I had just been drowning in heat for the last 90 mins.

I put a towel down in my car, still soaking the seat belt with sweat (GROSSSSSS) and was freezing my ass off 5 mins later because, you know, I was wearing almost nothing and it was somewhat cold out and I was STILL sweaty and had to drive with the windows down because my car INSTANTLY steamed up the second I sat in it.

I can't tell if it's a "I don't like it because it's crowded and gross and I suck at it and how can it possibly be good for you to sweat THAT much" or a "I don't like it because I suck at it, so I need to put my head down, charge ahead, and keep doing it to get better at it" kind of SUCK.

29 more days left on this effing Groupon.

I will get my money's worth, damn it, even if it kills me or ruins ALL of my workout clothes.